Xtreme Mailing at the Post Office CONCLUDED
by CaptainTish
Summary: COMPLETE A conclusion to the very hilarious story started by Valkorie, who gave me permission to post this finished version.


Title: Xtreme mailing at the Post Office! Concluded!  
  
Author: Begun by Valkorie, and finished by Captain Tish  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men, nor did I make up the characters at the post office.  
  
Author's Note: Okay, so I read the hilarious story on this website "Xtreme Mailing at the Post Office!" by Valkorie, and I thought it was really great. Unfortunately it was unfinished (. The author says that if anyone can come up with an idea to finish it, great. So I did, and Valkorie gave me permission to post it so here it is. The first part is the original story by Valkorie, and then the second part is my conclusion. Just so no one accuses me of stealing another's work. I framed the first part with the lines of asterisks to distinguish it. Hope you enjoy!  
  
********************************************************************** Xtreme Mailing at the Post Office  
  
By: Valkorie  
  
"And so I said to her, the next time I take out my M80, I'm gonna to mean it!" Jan laughed hysterically, I just smiled.  
  
"Look, don't be come another mail carrier statistic, just quit and take a yoga class or something." I was sick of calming her down. It really isn't that hard to work in a post office, I don't know why everyone ends up freeking out.  
  
"Hey, we're closed!" I heard Jan yell to whoever was outside. I looked out the glass doors and a man in a wheel chair was trying to open the door.  
  
"I just need to mail this one thing!" He yelled.  
  
"Damn it! Every freaking time!" Jan sighed as she went around to open the door.  
  
"Thank you miss, my X-computer and X-fax are down and I need to get this to Canada by tomorrow!"  
  
"Yah, yah... Let me see the letter. Weapon X Project? I need a full address, sir."  
  
"Sshhh! It's a secret!" He said with shifty eyes.  
  
----------------------------------------  
  
Meanwhile, back at the X-ranch...  
  
"Keep this up, X-computer, and you'll lose something else!" Wolveriene grumbled as he pounded on the X-keyboard. "Hey! Either someone call an X- pecialist, or I am going to stab this computer where it counts!"  
  
"Listen, either you calm down or you thrash the X-quipment." Storm replied from accross the room.  
  
"Nah, Chuck's right, it's either us or the machines."  
  
"At least I've chosen a side..."  
  
"The side of not thrashing the machines? Look, Bub, with the three lines you are going to get in this story, the least you could do is have them make sense." With a huff, Storm left the room.  
  
"Everyone! The Professor is missing!" Jean ran in yelling.  
  
"Well, use the damn X-braniac machiene thingy and find him!" Wolveriene growled.  
  
"But -- I'm -- too -- weak!" Jean said throwing herself around the room.  
  
"Jesus, fine. We'll have to go look for him the normal way." Wolveriene said.  
  
"But, maybe... if I concentrate real hard..." Jean whined.  
  
"Your brain will implode, sweetie. Let's just go." Scott said throwing a look at Wolveriene.  
  
"I want the front! I get car sick!" Storm ran in whining as they all started to pile into the X-UV (get it, instead of SUV).  
  
"It's my turn though!" Rogue yelled from the X-ray machiene.  
  
"Look, I could zap you into the next zip code if you mess with me. Do you know what happens when a dumb-ass get's hit by light--"  
  
"I know, I know. Damn, stop with that stupid line. It makes you sound retarded and the punchline is not all it's built up to be. You can have the front, I don't even care if we find baldy any more, I am missing my daily 'Make googley eyes at the 120 year old Logan' routine."  
  
----------------------------------------  
  
"Well, how am I supposed to send the damn thing if no one knows where it is?" Jan was close to punching the poor gimp.  
  
"Ok, I can tell you if you let me erase your memory after."  
  
"You want to do what in the what now? Look, Wheelie McWheels, we aren't even supposed to open the doors when we are closed. This is a government office sir, and I can have you--" She stopped mid sentance and had a strange far away look on her face.  
  
"I will have to do that to you if you give me a problem. Now, will you mail this out for me?"  
  
I was still waving my hand infront of Jan's face. "You won't get a problem from me, but your problem is with the postal service. We just can't mail stuff out with out an address."  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
And now..THE CONCLUSION  
  
By: Captain Tish  
  
"Surely, you can make an exception just this once, can't you?"  
  
I looked up when the doors suddenly swung open of their own accord, and a gray-haired man entered. In a smug tone, he said "Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answer?"  
  
The guy in the wheelchair looked at him and sighed. "Eric? What are you doing here?"  
  
"What do you think? Mailing my letters." He handed me a stack of envelopes. I glanced through them quickly. I was relieved to see they were all properly addressed, although the names of the recipients were rather odd. Toad? Sabretooth? Mystique? The man continued speaking. "Both Toad and Sabretooth requested raises. They said getting struck by lightning and getting zapped by optic blasts were not in their job descriptions. It's so hard to find good help these days."  
  
"Don't give up on them, Eric, " said the wheelchair guy.  
  
Eric looked at him pityingly. "What would you have me do, Charles? Promote them?"  
  
I tried to take control of the situation. "Look, people, we are closing and I suggest you sort this out somewhere else."  
  
But just then, the doors blew open as if blown by a strong wind. A group of people walked in, looking determined.  
  
"We're closed! Can't you read the sign?" I screamed at them.  
  
The red-headed woman sighed, and said, "That's an unfair question. The wrong person behind the wheel of a car could read the sign, but we don't license people to read."  
  
I stopped to try to decipher that statement, completely baffled. Jan finally spoke up. "I really want to close up and go home now. Do you people need to mail anything?"  
  
"No, we just came to find the Professor," said the guy with the red visor across his eyes.  
  
"Wait, I really must mail this letter," said Charles the Professor.  
  
"Yeah, well there's no address."  
  
The really good-looking guy with the beard came up and said, "Here, I'll give you the address." He scribbled something down on a piece of paper. He handed it to me and winked. I looked at it and saw that it was his name and phone number. I blushed. "What kind of a name is Wolverine?" I asked.  
  
"Logan!" The girl with the white streak in her hair screeched. "Are you flirting with her?" She then burst into tears and flounced out of the post office.  
  
"I think she's a little taken with you," said the red-head to Wolverine.  
  
"Yeah, well, you can tell her my my heart belongs to the lovely mail- carrier here," he said, winking at me again.  
  
The Professor sighed. "This is getting out of hand. Logan, there's an abandoned military base in Canada. You might find some answers there."  
  
Logan/Wolverine lost all interest in me and said, "Really? Yippee! I gotta go check it out! Bye!" And he ran out of the store.  
  
"Professor!!" Visor Guy whined. "He's gonna steal my motorcycle again!"  
  
"It's all right, Scott. I didn't tell him where in Canada to go. He won't get far. Storm, would you go warm up the car?"  
  
The white-haired woman glared at him, and complained, "Why do I always have to do that? I think you're just trying to get rid of me." Then she left.  
  
The professor then looked at me. "Then there's no way to mail this?"  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you, NO!"  
  
"Fine. Scott, it would be best if this was destroyed rather than fall into the wrong hands," and he gave a sideways glance at Eric, who was concentrating on rearranging the mailboxes.  
  
Scott adjusted his visor, and a red beam shot out and vaporized the letter.  
  
The red-head kissed him, and said, "Good job, honey. I like you much better that Wolverine. All he could have done was shred it."  
  
Scott beamed in happiness, and the happy couple left the post office.  
  
Eric came over and said, "You know, Charles, there's still mail to be sent, and I intend to send it by any means necessary."  
  
"And I will always be there, old friend," the professor promised, and then they both left, glaring at each other.  
  
"What, is he from Fed Ex, or something?" I grumbled, shaking my head, glad that they were all gone, and we could finally close up. 


End file.
